SUMMER

Chinese New Year is coming soon, but we are still working on our job even though there is nothing important. Maybe this is the persistence on your responsiblity. I am trying to understand the society now, but only try. It is hard for me to understand some "normal" considerations.

Keeping a secret is quite a difficult job! I am now tired of being ingnored. How to face to all the challenges from my friends and family is a big headache at present. I am a little bit worried about their criticisms. I know just do whatever I believes, but it is really hard for me to be so independant. However, we are trying our best to live a better life.

 

There are plenty of chances that you can choose, but still there will be something important that you can never try. The most hopeless thing for me is not matter how hard we are trying to change the only result they say is no. No chance! How can you say that? Maybe I haven't prepared to confronting your picky. I know I am not the perfect one in the world. Maybe he can find someone better, but how can you be so selfish? You think that we are childish, but how about you? At present, whatever we do or say may hurt him. I don't want to make any push, but I won't leave him now. 

I can understand your worries about your dear son; I can understand your attitude towards me; I can understand your behavior towards us...But all of these do not mean we have to accept them. I refuse your picky on my family; I refuse your intervention on our friendships; I refuse your no conclusion without reason.

I don't know when I became the representative of poor and dark-future; I don't know when I became your resistance of your happiness; I don't understand.....Frankly speeking, we never consider about marriage until now, so you needn't worried about such boring things.

I have my own dream to persue; you have your own choice to make. we can do whatever we like.

Even I want to make some efforts to change my current situation, but everything seems to be useless for you. Anyway, I won't let everyone who loves me down. I'll keep on walking. On the road. Under one roof. Different moods.  

Time will tell us...Let's see.

This weekend all paid a visit to Shanghai for Nike shopping again. I arrived there on saturday and had a dinner with HE. She is still so slim and single...Now everyone around me seems to live in a happy life with their partner, except for my dear sister. Maybe she needs sometime to recover from this ended relationship. I do always believe that we'll be together after his return, but nothing are in my expectation. We should learn to grow anyway.

I am quite depressed these days. A short pleasure can cover plenty of things but never the scar in your heart. Especially when you are alone, you can totally be submerged by the unsafety and uncertainty. Long time ago I am always complaining about my wondering on aim, but now I am so scared of the indetermination of success. Though I am not so satisfied with my present status, I should still be counted into happy. When you are happy, you may fear of the loss...My brain is in such a mess!

Have a deep conversation with an old friend; enjoy a big meal with a group of friends; go back home and spend a wonderful spring festival with family; plan a dreamable trip to somewhere; wait for an important result...woo~ That is life!

Here comes the 10 days spring festival!

Wish all of us a Happy New Year!

 

　　跑了趟杭州，回了趟家．．．归来后便被诊断为疑似感冒了．煎熬的感冒历程即将开始．喉咙开始作怪，鼻子开始罢工，头也昏昏沉沉的～我的妈妈呀，谁来拯救陷入感冒病毒的我呀．．．回到单位，懒懒散散，什么都不想动．ISO的工作还有大把大把等着我做，家务活还有一垒一垒待着我弄．．．人生就在这琐碎的点滴中度过，感慨呀。

　　在杭州见了丹丹同学，好不幸福！中医学院辅导员，日子有条不紊，越来越有人民教师风范了．还有幸见了她的男朋友，土木工程专业出生，建筑设计院设计员，清秀，斯文，的确丹丹喜欢的那一类型。没有见到阿飞，确实有些遗憾呀。深更半夜跑了一趟西湖，武林路逛了一圈，收获不少。哈哈～展会倒是没什么特色，弄得我们三位累死累活的。

　　回家便跑去文斌和小宋同志新家蹭饭了～呵呵。番茄炒蛋，长豆，烤鸭，鸭架汤……让我怀念起在北京的日子了～那帮女人在北京逍遥得，都把我们这批京外人士给遗忘了。看残奥会～回母校聚餐～看电影、音乐剧。。。天知道我多想飞过去。

　　中秋节，回家看了外婆还有弟弟姨妈他们，真的要感叹时光如梭呀。我们的小侄子都上小学一年级了。

心情烦躁～

不知为何心情异常的烦躁，为无趣的无锡之旅？为无奈的静止？为波澜不惊的生活？为点点遗憾？……太多的纷纷扰扰，让我心不得安宁。最近听很多朋友宣扬藏传佛教密宗的佛理，些许，念经真的能让人沉静下来。

关注国内国际的新闻，关于政变，关于和平，关于恐怖，关于危机，关于幸福~ 不管是个人，社会还是国家都在经历着一场场洗礼，而唯一不变的似乎就是自己单调的生活。总是不意识地回忆大学时代的点点滴滴，怀念曾经的好友，缅怀着过去的青春。自己现在哪怕是为了一个人，为了一件事，为了一顿美食…哪怕跑遍全城，找遍所有的那种冲动与激情都已经消失怠尽。

也许心情也会像即将褪色的季节一样，慢慢步入荒凉的秋季。

上班，下班，买菜，做饭，吃饭，逛超市，洗澡睡觉。。。。。。每天都这么宁静安详～闲来帮忙做些翻译，准备准备筹划中的事情。每天都有盼头，真好～

每天生活都太充实，都好久没有到朋友那边走动了，有点想大家都。Tina 真的要来北京看奥运了，真可惜不能陪她逛街购物吃美食了。。。郎同志说要来上海，可是也没机会见面呀～阿冰跑去云南了。。。林琳过着疑似“二奶”的生活（她自己抱怨的）。老大也抽空给我发发消息。。。阿范和老曹倒是潇洒，千岛湖旅行。老张又涨工资啦～陆也逍遥的，跟锐锐跑去镇江、扬州玩。。还理了那么酷的发型。金吉跑去内蒙了；老猫去宁波恩爱了；老张在南京跟博士哥哥两相好；吴颖在筹备结婚事宜。。。阿媛，猪猪，美女，耗子，636的室友们……你们都怎么样了???

 

 

去年的今天，阿媛，猪猪，男男还有桔子给我过生日了。记得猪猪在蛋糕上写：一起留在北京吧！虽然后来她也跑来上海奋斗了大半年，现在终究还是和媛一起在北京奋斗。。。

从认识她们到现在，每年的今天00:00总能收到阿媛发来的生日祝福。记得以前深夜总被你一条条感性的短信骚扰，还有你扯着我衣角撒娇的样子……不知不觉已经毕业一年了。

猪猪，本来跟我一天阳历生日的，现在偏要过什么农历的，害得各位好姐妹老是记错日子。不过今天接到你的电话还是很开心的。也在今年你第二个生日里祝福你和经纬永远幸福快乐地在一起。帆帆，这个猪头最猪头，打电话来，我以为要跟我说生日快乐了，清了半天喉咙说有正事要跟我说：我还等着什么肉麻的话呢，没想到说，那个业务部经理英语怎么说？哈哈。我都无语了。。。不过念在你及时补上的祝福，就原谅你了。老大，也是发来酥酥的短信说怀念上下铺的日子，我又何尝不是呢? Darling, 说今天跟她妹妹舅舅一起生日，所以帮我们三个一起过了。嘿嘿。阿芳，最细心了，提起一天就送上礼物，怕她不是第一个祝我生日快乐。哈哈。。。还有亲爱的悠悠同志，我们两个感同身受，心心相惜，最了解了。谢谢悠悠同志的鼓励！最最理解我最懂我的璟璟同学，一起分享秘密，什么事情都能帮我解决。大学的姐妹们，友谊万岁！

  当然咱可不能忘记最亲爱最可爱我也最热爱的初中死党们，色蛙同志自然不用说，熬到过了十二点就发来问候啦。。。嘿嘿。知道你现在有博士哥哥陪着，心里还能像着我们这帮姐妹淘，算你有良心啊。桔子同志，去年一起跑去北京跑去秦皇岛疯，今天虽然没在一起，不过你的浓浓情意，我是感受真切呀。老猫，一个人窝在家，还能琢磨着我生日在做什么，说明想我之深呀。。。嘿嘿。一大早曹君君同志便短信电话的来，感动啊，还能有排除万难陪我打牌的想法，真的不容易。。。FF同志么，自然更不用说，姐弟情意哪那么容易说清楚呢。一个电话，一句祝福。。。一切尽在不言中呀。老姐是最体贴我的了，其实我内心一直为上次忘记你生日而愧疚呢，没想到你这么善解人意，心胸开阔。。。晓华老弟，晓玲弟妹。。。你们两个好好干，还说跟老姐合作生意，算是最温馨的礼物啦。

最surprise的礼物是什么呢？今天一早打开邮箱，看到Jennifer发来的邮件。她7月3号的时候生了个男孩：Lev! 真的好可爱。也终于见到了传说中的Matt，一家人在一起真的好温馨呀。想起来Jen在宝宝出生之前这么努力完成学业，现在终于如愿以偿了。Jen，祝你们一家三口健健康康，快快乐乐，永远幸福。其实这些话又点老土哦。

接下来是最疼我的爸爸妈妈舅舅妹妹还有外婆，谢谢你们的祝福！有你们在身边，真好！

我最亲爱的官人，谢谢你能够喜欢我，支持我，一直在我身边。我伤心的时候安慰我，我难过的时候听我抱怨，我无聊的时候打电话给我，我想你的时候也想我～很珍惜在你身边的每一分每一秒。爱你～

Everything can be big challenges causing you mad! I’ve contact with my friends with the application preparations. I am wandering in the Gter and TS these days, sharing their unique experiences. My only dream U is Manitoba U because they had wonderful faculties and friendly students there. Their research fields are attractive too, but my background seems to not strong enough to be selected. At the very beginning, I am so confident about my TOEFL, my GPA and volunteer experiences, but once they are being calculating everything became a disadvantage! For the Chicago U, this requires minimum TOEFL (iBT) 104, within every part no less than 26! Quit my job, staying at home, facing computer all the time, complaining about the obstacles….That’s me! I never thought one year after graduation I will be in such a tough situation. Zhen is going to USA next August for 6 weeks internship! Lang is coming back in July! All of my friends seem to walking towards their targets but I am still lingering on the edge. I cannot coordinate myself properly. However, I still want to try. I will never give up. Just like our appointment in 5 years after graduation. I can try to do whatever I believe in these years. At least, I have my family an d friends back up with me all the time.

Let’s fight for our dreams.

I’ve finished TOEFL! Though the score is not as satisfactory as I expected, it can be used in the application. I do always believe that TOEFL is just a test, which can only reflect part of my English ability. I got Reading 19; Listening 24; Speaking 20; Writing 24; Total 87. The reading part is far more beyond I can image, but the speaking is so bad which I thought to be around 25. Anyway, I can do the follow-up application things.

The application materials can be quite a complicated thing, so if there is any expert around me please help me handle the case. Now the biggest problem I am facing is finance problems. The tuition fee, housing, insurance and all the cost can be barriers.

Now I should find something to do to make a living by myself.

July is coming soon… I don’t know how Jen is. Has Jen had her baby? Now I don’t have a job, which almost drives me mad these days. Nothing to do…No one to talk to…No where to go…

Fight for the target! Come on!

Who are free now? Who wants to go for a vacation? Is there any good opportnities for me to start a new career...

Raining day again just like the raining season....Where is my sunny day?

Hey buddy... Let's join in the unemployment club.....

Lonely empty no money

Holiday in Changzhou and Shanghai

Time can be quite an important part of our life, but after I quitted my job here, I feel so empty in my life, so I decided to have a tour to Tianmu Lake and get the watch back from shanghai by the way.

I did enjoy myself their, but still there is one thing hasn’t been settled so I can’t relax myself as I thought. Though I knew I did badly in Reading part again but still I don’t want give up TOEFL. Maybe I should try it again….

PC has broken down for a long time. Today I came back to my former employer trying to fix it up…Now I have to leave now….

Friday, May 09, 2008

These days I can easily wake up at night two or three times. I don’t know what wrong is with me? One night I had a nightmare of being left by my BF and blamed by his mother, so I can deeply feel my scare and insecure about being with him secretly. All my friends around me said I loved him more than I loved myself, maybe it is. I am so sensitive these days about all kinds of details, but as everyone knows love can never be fair. Once being negative, I can have the thought to quit…Quit my job, quit everything driving me crazy, quit everything I have…Take a package with me walking around the country, be free both in my mind and my body…but to be a Cancer, my deep heart push me to stay with my family stay the persons who I loved…Contravention is very everywhere both outside and inside of me.

Yesterday, by accidently I saw my workmates leave word from his girl friend, which said: I am going to leave you right now. He was so nervous that then went back home immediately. Frankly speaking, I can never be so confident to say he would have such a tensity to me. Luckily, they are together again. Does this mean that everyone falling love will be quite an idiot! The IQ can suddenly drop into zero. There is no doubt that I have to transfer my attentions back to my study. Love is not the whole world. If I neglect the most important thing, I will be regrettable.

Life is so beautiful because of the unknown. Now I can be worried about the unknown either I can be curious and passionate!

Tuesday, May 06, 2008

I am leaving Darfon on May 15^th, which means I will finish my half-year QA engineer career here. Actually I feel so released about going back to my social work career, though there are still lots of difficulties waiting for me, but at least I am ready for devoting myself back to social work.

Am I silly to tell fortune-telling result from my friend to my BF? When he said I am not angry at all but do self-reflection a lot. My heart can be easily hurt because of my ridiculous action about doubting our future?!!!

I am acting to be so mean to say so many bad words about his family, but truth is truth. Anyway, I just tell him what kind of information I got from my friend. The day when we were in Shanghai, I feel so guilty to be absent on the party of all my dear university friends. How can I doing things like that?!!

We’ve been together for 5 months, but he still not dare to tell others about our relationship, which can drive me mad! I tell my family members, my best friends, my classmates, and my workmates…all most everyone I know. I want share my happiness with all my close friends. When I am with my junior middle school students, I can just keep silent when all the friends are talking about their love stories. The only thing I do is waiting for his actions, but until now nothing happens. He said last weekend he told his father about me, but his answer is all depends on you. The most important thing he wants to emphasize to his father is DON’T TELL MOM ABOUT THIS, BECAUSE SHE GOT A COUGH! Now I would like to say I am out of the fury about the whole secret. If you can’t accept me, my family, my job or my present situation, we should quit before the thing is exploded. Of course, I know you love me. You don’t care about all the things, but others who you really loved care about these annoying elements, even the society. I don’t want you always be the facilitator between my family and your family. I am not so confident about our future if things go like this. The most important thing is we love each other, so I won’t give up… Let’s fight for our rights together, ok?

Congratulations on Cao and Fan’s entrance of interview!! What inspiring news for us! Cao and Fan, Come on! All of us are cheering for your success… I am imagining the blueprint of our bright future!

He told me that doing the resent job can never meet our and his family requirements. Actually, I do know the situation quite clear, but when he told me about the fact I can be hardly rational. I do remember the night I was in Nanjing, he just said you are too dependent on each other that cause him too much burdens. I can feel the tears dropping down both from my heart and my face… Once you falling love with your lover, you can hardly keep everything under control. Every time he asked me about my future, I can be really upset. I hope that we can consider everything to be our future. Should I take the offer to work for CCCF? Should I hard-working to get the opportunity to study aboard? Or as the society requires, try and try again to obtain the chance working for government? In this aspect, he can be quite a professional social work to let me make decision by myself---self-determination! No suggestions! But for me, I would like to get different opinions from him rather than he said we are two different individuals. As aunty said your cousins are all engaged, how about you? I can hardly imagine that in this situation she will express any satisfactory about me and my family. There is no doubt that I have to take everything into consideration if I do want to be with him. Frankly speaking, if I got the position working for government, how can we be together? Expect for the weekends.

Now I have to apologize for uploading the photos of all my friends without informing them at all. I hope you won’t be mind of this issue.

Luckily, everything with my work is going smoothly. Before I make my decision, I have to be responsible for my current work duty.

If I got the chance to study aboard, can his parents change her mind to accept me? To be a social worker is my whole life dream to realize…

Happy April fool’s Day!

Zoe told me that she’s fallen love with her boss, who is a 45-year old guy! She broke her legs! There is one Bug appears in Linda’s marriage. Lucie scared me with a message…All the friends around me trying to treat me…

I did a really bad thing yesterday. I went to the English Classes and did the test for another one. The teacher found the truth. I know that cheating in a test is quite a bad behavior and I did it. I questioned myself…What is my rule and responsibility of life? Where is my principal?

Actually I feel that we can always be fooled by life by anyone else. We do know what is wrong and what is right, but we still have to do whatever we are not willing to do. As my BF said the best situation we have is we can choose by our heart with our any burdens from outside. Harmony, every time when I heard the word I will be doubt about myself. Once I am so anxious in my heart how can I dealing with the boring things in the society?

The interpreting job is coming soon, but I become so nervous that I can do good preparation before we leave for Nanjing. Every night we talk on the phone, but still I can hardly get any safety. Keeping a good relationship with BF would be a great subject. Now I can feel that HATE comes with LOVE, Worries come with Care…When you falling love, you can easily be a fool and loss your confidence thoroughly. Luckily, I am treasured by a nice guy, who can take good care of me.

So all my dear friends come on! I hope all of us can live a happy life as we expected.

TOEFL & GRE!!! These two tests would be my biggest challenges now. I have to work hard to catch up the last opportunity. Why I do every with a great beginning but the worst ending? Crazy! As my parents said, the root cause if my lack of patience. Fortunately, now I am no longer alone… I can share all my sorrows and happiness with him. The one with whom I would like to walk the whole life together. There are so many things waiting for our exploration!

Altman is going to marry her GF on April 13^th, who would be the first guy step into marriage in my senior middle school! Cheer up! What will my future look like? Curious! Come on!

When I read their Blog, my thought can easily be brought back to Beijing, to the unforgettable scenes. The nick names, the delicious foods, these best friends, their laugh, our dream, our experiences…

We can easily grow up; we can easily be frustrated; we can easily satisfied; we can easily be old; we can easily forget; we can easily be bored; we can easily be dropped; we can easily lose confidence; we can easily be lost…

What we can gain? What we can pursue?

Who knows the answer?  

No woman no cry
No woman no cry
No woman no cry
No woman no cry
Cause i remember when we used to sit
In a government yard in trenchtown
Observing the hypocrites
Mingle with the good people we meet
Good friends we have, now
Good friends we have lost
Along the way
In this great future,
You can't forget your past
So dry your tears, i say
No woman no cry
No woman no cry
Oh little darling, don't shed no tears
Boney M.
No woman no cry
Cause i remember when we used to sit
In the government yard in trenchtown
When georgie would make the fire lights
I say, log would burnin' through the nights
Then we would cook cornmeal porridge
Of which i'll share with you
My feet is my only carriage
So i've got to push on thru,
And while i'm gone
Everything 's gonna be alright
Everything 's gonna be alright
Everything 's gonna be alright now
Everything 's gonna be alright
Everything 's gonna be alright now
Everything 's gonna be alright
No woman no cry
No woman no cry
No woman no cry
No woman no cry
No woman no cry
Oh little darlin' don't shed no tears
No woman no cry
No woman no cry
Said i re, said i re, said i remember
No woman no cry
You and i and you and i and you and i
No woman no cry
Cause i remember when we used to sit there
No woman no cry
In a government yard
No woman no cry
No woman no cry
No woman no cry, yeah
No woman no cry
No woman no cry (you sweet darling)
No woman no cry
No woman no cry, yeah
No woman no cry
No woman no cry, yeah
No woman no cry
No woman no cry

Want to, but I can't help it I love the way it feels, It's got me stuck between my fantasy and what is real I need it when I want it, I want it when I don't Tell myself I'll stop everyday, knowin' that I won't I got a problem and I don't know what to do about it Even if I did, I don't know if I would quit but I doubt it I'm taken by the thought of it, and I know this much is true Baby, you have become my addiction, I'm so strung out on you I can barely move but I like it And it's all because of you And it's all because... Never get enough, She's the sweetest drug Think of it every second I can't get nothing done, Only concern is the next time, I'm gonna get me some Know I should stay away from, cause it's no good for me I try and try but my obsession wont let me leave I got a problem and I don't know what to do about it Even if I did, I don't know if I would quit but I doubt it I'm taken by the thought of it, and I know this much is true Baby, you have become my addiction, I'm so strung out on you I can barely move but I like it And it's all because of you (all because of you) And it's all because... Never get enough, She's the sweetest drug Ain't no doubt, so strung out Over you, over you, over you Because of you, And it's all because of you, Never get enough She's the sweetest drug, she's the sweetest drug

Picky Dull Disgusting Memory Beutiful Cloud Loss face Yellow drop Couple dinner clever smart sleepy tired faint

Come on...Turn to...Go on? Quite ......

Poets Dream thought hair face